Oh how I needed to read this, and of course, the amazing comments. I'm brilliant at buying things for Future Me - planners, diaries, supplements, vitamins, gym memberships... do I actually use any of them. Ummm, no. I need to give Present me and Future Me a good kick up the backside.
I have done my taxes already - I mean, that, that, is a HUGE gift to future me in January, when it is grey and I'm trying not drink.... I do dynamic reformer pilates, cold swim all winter and take a mineral complex/L tyrosine and mio instal powder as the fabulous women at Women Wise recc'd them. (They specialise in menopause nutrition and I found them to be so helpful). I'm hoping this all means I can feel youthful for years... Son has just gone to Uni and I feel a bit untethered myself. Anxious about where next freelance job is coming from... So my biggest tip of all - is every day I do something really nice for myself even if it is a cup of tea in the cold winter air for 5 mins alone; or reading a book hidden upstairs; or buying a really poncey coffee. Or a face mask or whatevs. Because if I'm not kind to myself, every day, then who is gonna be?
I'm trying very hard to get on the vitamin bandwagon but my small future happiness is helped by me realising life is tricky this month (hormones, building a fucking house, im a florist and its about to be christmas wreath season - be nice to florists people were trying really hard to deal with all your EMOTIONS) so have paid for a month of kindle unlimited and reading filthy romance before bed and on my lunch and it really makes all the admin of life better. would recommend!
Completely on board with caring for future you! Take the extra effort to clean the cat bowl at 10pm and 6am you will be thrilled. I take a hair vitamin and it definitely makes a difference, my hairdresser has commented on it
Spatone, and a coffee machine that you set on the night before! It's so good to come down and the coffee is there and hot, makes everything a million times easier. I want an app to make me do my stretches, that would be brilliant.
I RATTLE with vitamins and the rattle feels GREAT. Can't give any up now because who knows what wheel may fall off? I recommend keeping the RED spray bottle of Vitamin D (apparently a hormone, who knew) by the kettle so you can spritz when you remember and Zinc, Quercetin and some organic mushroom tablets in a neat little box, also by the kettle. Magnesium and L-Theanine go next to the night cream and I take them and tell myself: "tonight will be the night when I don't wake at 4am gripping the duvet thinking scary thoughts about something I said to a colleague in 1998; Trump or the Christmas party."
Vitamin regimes always die on their arse with me. I just don't have it in me to stick with them. Tablets, liquids, AG1... Nah. I can't/don't. So I've come to the conclusion I need to up my diet game. But... I'm not especially 'into' food - want to weep at the thought of cooking it, and just cba with all the of the noise around it. If I could (healthily - physically, mentally, familial-y) eat kettle chips on the sofa alone for every meal for the rest of time, I think I'd do it.
Anyway, have decided I need to pick a few accessible, easy to eat 'powerhouse' items and get them down me, ideally daily. So I've come up with: hard boiled eggs, raw broccoli and mackerel fillets. I just have the feeling that if I consistently eat these 3 items then Good Things will happen. Future me - standby!
I feel the same way about food and cooking. Those are excellent powerhouse items! I need to start doing hardboiled eggs again. Right now I force myself to have a few big spoonfuls of Greek yogurt each morning before I run out the door, and that’s a good quick one too. (I’m the only one who eats it, so no bowl needed)
And I know this sounds like an over-privileged, white, middle-class reaction to Events, but we’re going to need all our fucking strength, mental and physical.
Not meaning to suggest I have the answer to all problems, but *I have the answer to all problems*. A bona fide doctor wrote me up a supplement prescription for a less stressful life a few weeks ago - and it’s totally working, even though the world is ending and I’ve been working into the wee smalls for dosh purposes. Plus anyone here who can’t afford to subscribe for a month, DM and I’ll send the dets for free. I’m *that* chill.
Here’s a question for those further along in their journey…
I always consider the little things I do for my kids to be a gift to my future self in the hope that they know that I put them first and they are my world and will be kind to me when they are grown up. But every day when I feel like a doormat I wonder if it actually will make any difference. Would love some parents of older kids to reassure me that it’s all banked but not getting my hopes up…!
With all kindness, and I apologize if I’m reading your tone incorrectly— this sounds like a bit of a martyrdom approach to parenthood. And also the belief that your children will “owe” you for raising and taking care of them.
Neither of these are generally ways to build a healthy relationship with your children as they grow into adults. They will keep in touch because they feel guilted into it, but may ultimately grow resentful and want to distance themselves.
I would gently suggest exploring ways to expand your world. I know it’s not easy when your children are young — mine are, too. But if you’re feeling like a doormat, that suggests you’re sacrificing too much of your own wants & needs. It’s not healthy for you or your kids to continue that way. Sometimes you are still allowed to put yourself first. 🩵
I’m very much older.. I did same with my kids.. and yes they do love me and show their concern when necessary.. not often I’m pretty self sufficient ..
BUT when they grow up they won’t need you . This is what you need to prepare for..
Try to keep your friendship group going, friends are so important once your children are grown-up and have flown the nest. My two best friends have moved so far away.
So I’ve made some new friends, but we have no history together so a lot of it is small talk. Cherish a good pal, your world will become much smaller once the children leave ..
Oh I love this idea & will try to incorporate it from now on. Being generally idle the only thing I do for Future Me is to clean the house before we go on holiday ready for our return. I resolve to do more! Actually I do Pilates & Cardio Tennis (the best fun) so that I can keep mobile in my rapidly approaching old age & try to follow Zoe/Tim Spector to keep as healthy as possible so maybe I’m not as useless as I think!
Also planning and meal prep on a Sunday and writing down what we are having for supper on a planner takes angst and work out of the week. I also get my teenager to organise (a prepped) supper once a week when I am working in the office.
See, I love this idea, but the ADHD in me rebels against it every time. Spaghetti carbonara for dinner tonight? Ugh no thanks. Even when it's my favourite dishes.
Just had a bottle/tub/jar/wtf of L-theanine and ashwagandha gummies arrived cos this jittery anxiety shit is the limit.
I'm very much a future me marginal gains planner, to the extent that on office days I lay out my makeup and brushes in the order I will be using them to save rummaging time.
I work for Future Me (and the money, obviously) - but I plan my career so that when I can no longer be very full time, then I have the right experience to get NED jobs and go “plural” so that I still have things to put my energies into as well as my children. My Mum didn’t do that and has been very frustrated, and overinvolved, as a result for the last 20 years - I’m now 43.
I also lift weights for FM, swim in the ponds through the winter for FM, meditate for FM and badger my husband about getting a dog when the kids are teenagers for FM. I also want to go back to singing and learning poetry by heart for FM as it is wonderful to have that to hand.
I am very bad at doing anything short term practical for FM, but there are some excellent ideas above…
Oh how I needed to read this, and of course, the amazing comments. I'm brilliant at buying things for Future Me - planners, diaries, supplements, vitamins, gym memberships... do I actually use any of them. Ummm, no. I need to give Present me and Future Me a good kick up the backside.
Most of what I do on a daily basis is for Future Me.
Wipe down all kitchen surfaces, put away all dishes and tidy before bed so that in the morning I am greeted by a tidy room.
Make the bed EVERY morning without fail, so that come the night time my bedroom is inviting.
Put a load of washing on overnight, ready to hang in the morning, so that by the weekend I am not faced with a gigantic pile of laundry.
Place those toilet cleaner things on the rims of all toilets, so that cleaning the toilet is quicker and easier.
Buy my favourite jelly beans when doing the weekly shop so I always have some ready for when marking coursework.
I could go on, but you get the idea.
I am forever thanking past me for making present Me's life better and thinking of how to look out for future me.
I have done my taxes already - I mean, that, that, is a HUGE gift to future me in January, when it is grey and I'm trying not drink.... I do dynamic reformer pilates, cold swim all winter and take a mineral complex/L tyrosine and mio instal powder as the fabulous women at Women Wise recc'd them. (They specialise in menopause nutrition and I found them to be so helpful). I'm hoping this all means I can feel youthful for years... Son has just gone to Uni and I feel a bit untethered myself. Anxious about where next freelance job is coming from... So my biggest tip of all - is every day I do something really nice for myself even if it is a cup of tea in the cold winter air for 5 mins alone; or reading a book hidden upstairs; or buying a really poncey coffee. Or a face mask or whatevs. Because if I'm not kind to myself, every day, then who is gonna be?
Love the idea of small kindnesses - I'm going to adapt that, thank you for sharing!
I'm trying very hard to get on the vitamin bandwagon but my small future happiness is helped by me realising life is tricky this month (hormones, building a fucking house, im a florist and its about to be christmas wreath season - be nice to florists people were trying really hard to deal with all your EMOTIONS) so have paid for a month of kindle unlimited and reading filthy romance before bed and on my lunch and it really makes all the admin of life better. would recommend!
Completely on board with caring for future you! Take the extra effort to clean the cat bowl at 10pm and 6am you will be thrilled. I take a hair vitamin and it definitely makes a difference, my hairdresser has commented on it
Spatone, and a coffee machine that you set on the night before! It's so good to come down and the coffee is there and hot, makes everything a million times easier. I want an app to make me do my stretches, that would be brilliant.
I RATTLE with vitamins and the rattle feels GREAT. Can't give any up now because who knows what wheel may fall off? I recommend keeping the RED spray bottle of Vitamin D (apparently a hormone, who knew) by the kettle so you can spritz when you remember and Zinc, Quercetin and some organic mushroom tablets in a neat little box, also by the kettle. Magnesium and L-Theanine go next to the night cream and I take them and tell myself: "tonight will be the night when I don't wake at 4am gripping the duvet thinking scary thoughts about something I said to a colleague in 1998; Trump or the Christmas party."
Vitamin regimes always die on their arse with me. I just don't have it in me to stick with them. Tablets, liquids, AG1... Nah. I can't/don't. So I've come to the conclusion I need to up my diet game. But... I'm not especially 'into' food - want to weep at the thought of cooking it, and just cba with all the of the noise around it. If I could (healthily - physically, mentally, familial-y) eat kettle chips on the sofa alone for every meal for the rest of time, I think I'd do it.
Anyway, have decided I need to pick a few accessible, easy to eat 'powerhouse' items and get them down me, ideally daily. So I've come up with: hard boiled eggs, raw broccoli and mackerel fillets. I just have the feeling that if I consistently eat these 3 items then Good Things will happen. Future me - standby!
I feel the same way about food and cooking. Those are excellent powerhouse items! I need to start doing hardboiled eggs again. Right now I force myself to have a few big spoonfuls of Greek yogurt each morning before I run out the door, and that’s a good quick one too. (I’m the only one who eats it, so no bowl needed)
And I know this sounds like an over-privileged, white, middle-class reaction to Events, but we’re going to need all our fucking strength, mental and physical.
I'm sold and will be ordering everything. EVERYTHING.
Not meaning to suggest I have the answer to all problems, but *I have the answer to all problems*. A bona fide doctor wrote me up a supplement prescription for a less stressful life a few weeks ago - and it’s totally working, even though the world is ending and I’ve been working into the wee smalls for dosh purposes. Plus anyone here who can’t afford to subscribe for a month, DM and I’ll send the dets for free. I’m *that* chill.
Read it and weep - only tears of joyous Zen.
https://open.substack.com/pub/hannahbetts/p/stressed-this-may-help?r=8isfh&utm_medium=ios
Here’s a question for those further along in their journey…
I always consider the little things I do for my kids to be a gift to my future self in the hope that they know that I put them first and they are my world and will be kind to me when they are grown up. But every day when I feel like a doormat I wonder if it actually will make any difference. Would love some parents of older kids to reassure me that it’s all banked but not getting my hopes up…!
With all kindness, and I apologize if I’m reading your tone incorrectly— this sounds like a bit of a martyrdom approach to parenthood. And also the belief that your children will “owe” you for raising and taking care of them.
Neither of these are generally ways to build a healthy relationship with your children as they grow into adults. They will keep in touch because they feel guilted into it, but may ultimately grow resentful and want to distance themselves.
I would gently suggest exploring ways to expand your world. I know it’s not easy when your children are young — mine are, too. But if you’re feeling like a doormat, that suggests you’re sacrificing too much of your own wants & needs. It’s not healthy for you or your kids to continue that way. Sometimes you are still allowed to put yourself first. 🩵
I’m very much older.. I did same with my kids.. and yes they do love me and show their concern when necessary.. not often I’m pretty self sufficient ..
BUT when they grow up they won’t need you . This is what you need to prepare for..
Try to keep your friendship group going, friends are so important once your children are grown-up and have flown the nest. My two best friends have moved so far away.
So I’ve made some new friends, but we have no history together so a lot of it is small talk. Cherish a good pal, your world will become much smaller once the children leave ..
Ah, generalised anxiety, mood swings, inexplicable hatred. I’m just here for all the advice anyone can give!
Oh I love this idea & will try to incorporate it from now on. Being generally idle the only thing I do for Future Me is to clean the house before we go on holiday ready for our return. I resolve to do more! Actually I do Pilates & Cardio Tennis (the best fun) so that I can keep mobile in my rapidly approaching old age & try to follow Zoe/Tim Spector to keep as healthy as possible so maybe I’m not as useless as I think!
Also planning and meal prep on a Sunday and writing down what we are having for supper on a planner takes angst and work out of the week. I also get my teenager to organise (a prepped) supper once a week when I am working in the office.
See, I love this idea, but the ADHD in me rebels against it every time. Spaghetti carbonara for dinner tonight? Ugh no thanks. Even when it's my favourite dishes.
What is wrong with me?
Just had a bottle/tub/jar/wtf of L-theanine and ashwagandha gummies arrived cos this jittery anxiety shit is the limit.
I'm very much a future me marginal gains planner, to the extent that on office days I lay out my makeup and brushes in the order I will be using them to save rummaging time.
Anna will you marry me
I work for Future Me (and the money, obviously) - but I plan my career so that when I can no longer be very full time, then I have the right experience to get NED jobs and go “plural” so that I still have things to put my energies into as well as my children. My Mum didn’t do that and has been very frustrated, and overinvolved, as a result for the last 20 years - I’m now 43.
I also lift weights for FM, swim in the ponds through the winter for FM, meditate for FM and badger my husband about getting a dog when the kids are teenagers for FM. I also want to go back to singing and learning poetry by heart for FM as it is wonderful to have that to hand.
I am very bad at doing anything short term practical for FM, but there are some excellent ideas above…
Peabody, this is a new side of you