I have never understood why people are so secretive about tutors? All those FB groups where people ask for recommendations and people say PM me endlessly. Why? You've presumably go your slot with them what harm does it do. Baffling. We decided to go the state route (not least because with 3 we'd be bankrupt and having been one of the poorer kids in a fancy private school its not easy when you cant keep up with the multiple homes, glam holidays, and private jets etc) and instead of tutors they get music, dance, drama , sports of all sorts etc after school. They still get into the next stages of their choice, perhaps without a string of 9s and A*, but probably better balanced humans than some of their hothoused friends.
I am wondering about the interview. My son is not particularly chatty or gushing and I am concerned he will sit and stare at his shoes and come across as shy, weird or sullen. He’s not, but he does need… warming up. I’m hoping they get that.
Born and bred in Scotland we all find the English system bonkers and sadistic. It's really allaboutmoney and class- we have lots of private schools too. Basically kids from private schools have doors open for them in the job market especially in Edinburgh. All parents should be demanding top clas education for all no.matter where they live and what their social or economic status is. Also private schools should lose their charitable status. Interestingly my 3 brothers all went to private school but the money ran out by the time it was my turn and I went to the local comp.
Also there are a lot of great teachers out there but also a lot of really poor ones too. Weed the out!
I put three children through the year six selection process for independent schools in South West London. Now two are graduates and one is at uni, and I can hand-on-heart say this is the hardest process children (aged 10 and 11) will do. UCAS, by comparison, is a stroll in the park. There is a lot of stress created by this and I think the best thing you can do for your kids is to absorb it all: the planning, the time tables for exams, the prep, the tutors. It is our decision to put them through this, and we have the head space: they don't. It's a short, brutal time and soon over. My advice is not to panic, there are plenty of places available and the admissions teachers do this every year and are good at selecting the right kids. Don't try and game it, you won't succeed. The eventual school destination is not forever either, there are natural break points at year nine and sixth form and lots of kids move. My son moved for the sixth form to a less academic school for social reasons and loved it, and went on to Newcastle having made some lifelong friends. Finally: look after yourself, protect the time you need to ferry kids to exams and tutors, ask your husband/partner for proper help and to recognise what you are doing for your child, on top of everything else you do.
I am an American living in London and I find the UK system quite baffling and insane. I put my sons into the local state school (we live right next door) and then, when my 6 year old complained constantly about being bored, I totally panicked and thrust him into the 7+ process. Obviously it is costing me a total bomb to have the extra few years in private school vs. state, but I would just say that it does seem much less stressful going at it from the 7+ angle vs. 11+ as THEY ARE SIX and how much studying can you really do at that stage?! So that is just a note from a foreigner who was so terrified of the 11+ that I decided to pre-empt it altogether. Oh and one tip for anyone going through it - stay off of mumsnet - there lies madness.
As a former admissions registrar at very oversubscribed London girls’ school I had a father saying that he had the parents’ nightmare - offers for his daughter from seven (yes 7) schools. He seemed surprised when I said the parents’ nightmare is no offers. But the best bit of advice I heard was ‘better a disappointment now than an unhappy child in six months time’. If the child isn’t right for the school they won’t settle, will find it all too much and be unhappy, so don’t over stress if she doesn’t get into your first choice. She will end up doing the same A levels and going to the same universities as all her Year 6 friends, when the time comes
Owl Tutors has quite a few free 11+ resources. Schofield and Sims and CGP are very reasonably priced and you can buy from Amazon. You can also try the TES - resources page and Twinkl occasionally offer free material.
If you have any questions, feel free to message me. I used to work for several very prestigious public schools and so I have extensive experience of 11+ / Common Entrance and Scholarship requirements. One of my own children gained a scholarship at 11+ and 16+.
So a different perspective which still surprises me. My son now 17 is at Westminster and also got into St Paul's. The latter interviewed me too and I berated the registrar strongly, because son already had the other place and I knew he wasn't hiking across that bridge for 5 years so didn't care. I said honestly you lot are awful with your tests and scary interviews. He said "Mrs X", you are quite wrong. We do what parents want, and only that. You are our customers and we are driven by your desires. You want a school which blah blah top grades etc and the only way we can do that is the tests and interviews and more tests. I actually said ahhh. And in the end the right school was chosen. My daughter is at a less "academic" school and that's right for her too. But honestly it was all horrific at the time, and I had no clue about the ISEB even though she was at a private school.
Just a note on tutors - don't think you're the only one using a tutor and get the guilt. Everyone else is but they're not admitting it. I found this out at A'levels.
My 3 went through the idiosyncratic Jersey system (state subsidised private schools so selective but also cheap enough to mean they are more diverse) with my son opting for boarding in the UK for 6th form (transformative and made the world of difference when it came to settling at University). Having been in a State(ish) school he found a large co-ed public school really hard going academically and we agonised over tutoring. We did get one for each subject in the end via a consultancy called The Profs who do virtual tutoring (highly recommend) and it raised his game to the extent that he got into his first choice. In one instance, it raised him by 3 grades. It was all about the exam technique rather than the knowledge - a point you raised with regards to 'prep' schools.
When I told Connor I felt a bit guilty about getting a tutor he was aghast - it turned out most of his friends had been tutored the whole way through secondary school, on top of the extortionate fees. And this is an all-round school, by no means a hot house.
I grew up in a town with a grammar school (state school, entry by exam only) and a comp. Every kid who was able was put in for the 11+, and we trained for it in school. I had a nervous breakdown (having undiagnosed autism), literally pulled all my hair out, and still passed with one of the highest marks.
So, I went to the grammar (I met my husband there!) and had my self confidence destroyed by going from the cleverest kid at primary to average at a grammar. Average and POOR - my family couldn't afford to send me on any of the international trips, so I felt constantly left out. I didn't go to uni until I was in my 20s and even though I'm on my third degree, I still don't feel 'over' my secondary school experience.
Now, although we're still in catchment for that school (and another one which is selective but also takes fee-paying kids and is harder to get into without paying), it's not taken for granted that you'll enter your kid for the 11+, and there's no pressure from primaries. So, I didn't ask my boys to sit it. They are clever, but neurotic (and...autistic), and I didn't think they needed the stress. I don't regret it.
I failed my 11+ as a child and didn’t get into the local grammar so I went off to the local comprehensive. My mum appealed but got rejected … and to this day she is still not really over it; livid and upset about the whole process and says she wishes she had got me a tutor at the time (I’m now 45). I said to her the other day ‘thank you so much for trying your best to get me in, I appreciate it, but mum I did really well and I got on with it and I am okay!’.
My twins (in year 6 now) have just passed their entrance exam for private senior school so I do know how batshit crazy this time in parenting life can be, and so am grateful we got through it relatively easy without much bother, (which is not usually how my life goes).
1. Choose the right tutoring for your child and don't listen to others' opinions - my son had 121 tutoring, my daughter would have HATED this, so we have a combo of group tutoring and an online tutor.
2. If your child is in a state school and currently Y5, remember that this is one of the year groups most affected by the lockdowns, so they may need some extra tutoring in regular English and Maths if they have gaps (even if the school says they are working at greater depth)
3. If they get into a selective school, year 7 will be HARD. We were forewarned about this by our new headteacher, who merrily told us our sons had been coasting for all of Y6. They will be slammed with work in Y7 but it eases off in Y8, or they get better at managing it at least.
And yes, whole heartedly agree with presenting it as 'increasing your options'. For us, we had one state secondary we would realistically have got into, by doing the 11+ we increased our choice to 3.
Great article. Agree with so much of what you said. I tutor for the 11+ so I see a lot of this in action.
This was so so useful, thank you.
I have never understood why people are so secretive about tutors? All those FB groups where people ask for recommendations and people say PM me endlessly. Why? You've presumably go your slot with them what harm does it do. Baffling. We decided to go the state route (not least because with 3 we'd be bankrupt and having been one of the poorer kids in a fancy private school its not easy when you cant keep up with the multiple homes, glam holidays, and private jets etc) and instead of tutors they get music, dance, drama , sports of all sorts etc after school. They still get into the next stages of their choice, perhaps without a string of 9s and A*, but probably better balanced humans than some of their hothoused friends.
I am wondering about the interview. My son is not particularly chatty or gushing and I am concerned he will sit and stare at his shoes and come across as shy, weird or sullen. He’s not, but he does need… warming up. I’m hoping they get that.
What a great post Esther - thank you .
Many of my questions answered.
And for the link to the ISEB schools in particular - which I never knew existed (despite this all looming very (scarily) close on our horizon)
Born and bred in Scotland we all find the English system bonkers and sadistic. It's really allaboutmoney and class- we have lots of private schools too. Basically kids from private schools have doors open for them in the job market especially in Edinburgh. All parents should be demanding top clas education for all no.matter where they live and what their social or economic status is. Also private schools should lose their charitable status. Interestingly my 3 brothers all went to private school but the money ran out by the time it was my turn and I went to the local comp.
Also there are a lot of great teachers out there but also a lot of really poor ones too. Weed the out!
I put three children through the year six selection process for independent schools in South West London. Now two are graduates and one is at uni, and I can hand-on-heart say this is the hardest process children (aged 10 and 11) will do. UCAS, by comparison, is a stroll in the park. There is a lot of stress created by this and I think the best thing you can do for your kids is to absorb it all: the planning, the time tables for exams, the prep, the tutors. It is our decision to put them through this, and we have the head space: they don't. It's a short, brutal time and soon over. My advice is not to panic, there are plenty of places available and the admissions teachers do this every year and are good at selecting the right kids. Don't try and game it, you won't succeed. The eventual school destination is not forever either, there are natural break points at year nine and sixth form and lots of kids move. My son moved for the sixth form to a less academic school for social reasons and loved it, and went on to Newcastle having made some lifelong friends. Finally: look after yourself, protect the time you need to ferry kids to exams and tutors, ask your husband/partner for proper help and to recognise what you are doing for your child, on top of everything else you do.
I am an American living in London and I find the UK system quite baffling and insane. I put my sons into the local state school (we live right next door) and then, when my 6 year old complained constantly about being bored, I totally panicked and thrust him into the 7+ process. Obviously it is costing me a total bomb to have the extra few years in private school vs. state, but I would just say that it does seem much less stressful going at it from the 7+ angle vs. 11+ as THEY ARE SIX and how much studying can you really do at that stage?! So that is just a note from a foreigner who was so terrified of the 11+ that I decided to pre-empt it altogether. Oh and one tip for anyone going through it - stay off of mumsnet - there lies madness.
As a former admissions registrar at very oversubscribed London girls’ school I had a father saying that he had the parents’ nightmare - offers for his daughter from seven (yes 7) schools. He seemed surprised when I said the parents’ nightmare is no offers. But the best bit of advice I heard was ‘better a disappointment now than an unhappy child in six months time’. If the child isn’t right for the school they won’t settle, will find it all too much and be unhappy, so don’t over stress if she doesn’t get into your first choice. She will end up doing the same A levels and going to the same universities as all her Year 6 friends, when the time comes
Owl Tutors has quite a few free 11+ resources. Schofield and Sims and CGP are very reasonably priced and you can buy from Amazon. You can also try the TES - resources page and Twinkl occasionally offer free material.
If you have any questions, feel free to message me. I used to work for several very prestigious public schools and so I have extensive experience of 11+ / Common Entrance and Scholarship requirements. One of my own children gained a scholarship at 11+ and 16+.
So a different perspective which still surprises me. My son now 17 is at Westminster and also got into St Paul's. The latter interviewed me too and I berated the registrar strongly, because son already had the other place and I knew he wasn't hiking across that bridge for 5 years so didn't care. I said honestly you lot are awful with your tests and scary interviews. He said "Mrs X", you are quite wrong. We do what parents want, and only that. You are our customers and we are driven by your desires. You want a school which blah blah top grades etc and the only way we can do that is the tests and interviews and more tests. I actually said ahhh. And in the end the right school was chosen. My daughter is at a less "academic" school and that's right for her too. But honestly it was all horrific at the time, and I had no clue about the ISEB even though she was at a private school.
My cousin likened getting kids into private secondary skills in London to auditioning for the X factor!
Just a note on tutors - don't think you're the only one using a tutor and get the guilt. Everyone else is but they're not admitting it. I found this out at A'levels.
My 3 went through the idiosyncratic Jersey system (state subsidised private schools so selective but also cheap enough to mean they are more diverse) with my son opting for boarding in the UK for 6th form (transformative and made the world of difference when it came to settling at University). Having been in a State(ish) school he found a large co-ed public school really hard going academically and we agonised over tutoring. We did get one for each subject in the end via a consultancy called The Profs who do virtual tutoring (highly recommend) and it raised his game to the extent that he got into his first choice. In one instance, it raised him by 3 grades. It was all about the exam technique rather than the knowledge - a point you raised with regards to 'prep' schools.
When I told Connor I felt a bit guilty about getting a tutor he was aghast - it turned out most of his friends had been tutored the whole way through secondary school, on top of the extortionate fees. And this is an all-round school, by no means a hot house.
I grew up in a town with a grammar school (state school, entry by exam only) and a comp. Every kid who was able was put in for the 11+, and we trained for it in school. I had a nervous breakdown (having undiagnosed autism), literally pulled all my hair out, and still passed with one of the highest marks.
So, I went to the grammar (I met my husband there!) and had my self confidence destroyed by going from the cleverest kid at primary to average at a grammar. Average and POOR - my family couldn't afford to send me on any of the international trips, so I felt constantly left out. I didn't go to uni until I was in my 20s and even though I'm on my third degree, I still don't feel 'over' my secondary school experience.
Now, although we're still in catchment for that school (and another one which is selective but also takes fee-paying kids and is harder to get into without paying), it's not taken for granted that you'll enter your kid for the 11+, and there's no pressure from primaries. So, I didn't ask my boys to sit it. They are clever, but neurotic (and...autistic), and I didn't think they needed the stress. I don't regret it.
I failed my 11+ as a child and didn’t get into the local grammar so I went off to the local comprehensive. My mum appealed but got rejected … and to this day she is still not really over it; livid and upset about the whole process and says she wishes she had got me a tutor at the time (I’m now 45). I said to her the other day ‘thank you so much for trying your best to get me in, I appreciate it, but mum I did really well and I got on with it and I am okay!’.
My twins (in year 6 now) have just passed their entrance exam for private senior school so I do know how batshit crazy this time in parenting life can be, and so am grateful we got through it relatively easy without much bother, (which is not usually how my life goes).
1. Choose the right tutoring for your child and don't listen to others' opinions - my son had 121 tutoring, my daughter would have HATED this, so we have a combo of group tutoring and an online tutor.
2. If your child is in a state school and currently Y5, remember that this is one of the year groups most affected by the lockdowns, so they may need some extra tutoring in regular English and Maths if they have gaps (even if the school says they are working at greater depth)
3. If they get into a selective school, year 7 will be HARD. We were forewarned about this by our new headteacher, who merrily told us our sons had been coasting for all of Y6. They will be slammed with work in Y7 but it eases off in Y8, or they get better at managing it at least.
And yes, whole heartedly agree with presenting it as 'increasing your options'. For us, we had one state secondary we would realistically have got into, by doing the 11+ we increased our choice to 3.