I have never ever done the school gate. Working full time gave me the perfect excuse. My son's first school was at the bottom of our garden so I used to just push him through the hedge. He never minded.
I am deep in the school gate years with kids in reception and year 3. Every weekend is a birthday party with reception so there is an awful lot of time spent with other parents. In some ways it’s great as some of the parents are ace and people I want to be friends with. We need to be friends with them too, to coordinate play dates and parties and sleepovers and all the rest of it. But it is also exhausting, like a marathon of networking, and I don’t think I’ll miss it in future years.
I love nothing more than holiday chat, but I plan holidays for a living so it’s basically working 🤣. I have a 16 & 13 yr old and we just got back from a soul destroying AI week in rainy Spain, when the 16 yr old drained all the mini bars and did everything he could to not spend time with us, culminating in a disastrous trip to Seville where we all fell out. I actually found myself longing for the days when the kids were small and cuddly. I work for myself, from home and sometimes miss the school gate chats - the dog has limited conversation day to day
My brother (+ 3 kids under 7) have just got back from Spain for the week - 7 days of rain and floods. We, on the other hand, stayed in boring old England and had a great time - Halloween, fireworks and the local leisure centre. But I’m always envious of the planned holidays until I settle in.
The autumn half term si ace! People are mad to go away during that one, there’s so much fun stuff to do with the kids. February, however, can get stuffed
Now I hang around the gate to whichever godforsaken rainswept and mud sodden arena has been selected for that day's torture, having driven a stroppy teenager there in what could pass for a UPS van with the joyful prospect of driving her back to look forward to. I don't know what I'd do without my fellow Pony Club mothers to grumble with.
No one gets to go on holiday, especially in the summer because you *might* qualify for something and it would be *the end of the world* if a holiday clashed with it.
I picked up my son the other week and it was raining. I am fine with raining. I never take an umbrella anywhere. I like rain. A large man with a silly umbrella told me I had to stand under his whilst we waited for our children. I politely declined but his sense of worth would not have it. I was already irritated by having to a, make conversation and b, stand so close to someone else. Within 2 minutes, this man had told me that last winter they went on a skiing holiday to Canada that cost them 15K. I remarked that that was an awful lot of money, which is presumably what he wanted me to say, and left him under his floral covering. I stood back in the rain thinking what a tosser he was, how poor I am and that maybe I will buy an umbrella so I don’t have to talk to strangers about their holidays.
Esther I read this in the taxi to the airport after a holiday with 2 small children. There were some lovely moments but jeeeez it was hard work, not helped by the crazy rain, storms and flash flooding in Spain. We are home now and will be staycationing for the near future. I am exhausted.
On the flip side of the school gate scenario- my kids do BF and afterschool club because of work, so I’m never there for pickup, which brings a different level of strangeness. I am the mum who relies on the ones who remember everything in the WhatsApp, I read the emails but it all seems to instantly fall out of my brain.
The thing that gets me about the WhatsApp groups (I still have one, FINAL child at primary) is when people post saying “so and so has lost his/her cricket bat/violin/netball skort/pencil case/pritt stick, does anyone have it?” and then someone responds “no, we haven’t got it”…..!!!! I mean, WTAF Wendy? If you haven’t got it, please STFU and stay off the godforsaken WhatsApp! Jesus wept it annoys me. The thread which could have been one message in length, is now 12 scrolls deep! Really glad to be away from it for a week. Roll on year 7.
We have that with our street WhatsApp group. 5 thousand messages with everyone replying individually that they haven’t got no.27’s Amazon package. Just STOP.
This is so funny and spot-on. I also travel for work so have enough of it and just want to be home. We live in London and there are a million amazing things to do, or not. This reminds me also of how I used to obsess over restaurants (like holidays) and now just want to go back to the same five, with the occasional adventure to another part of London.
This made me laugh as (i) my son calls it Wuh Huh Smith (as in phonetically pronouncing the W and H) and (ii) I’ve just booked a holiday today for Oct half term 2025 after being Team UK holidays since our last sunny abroad holiday in Easter 2022 and getting fed up of being cold and doing all the cooking…
I have absolutely asked people their holiday plans twice in a week at the school gate. Mortifying! There are so many people doing different pickups on different days and I try not to be cliquey.
Partially I ask about holidays as it is very easy conversation but have also found some total hidden gems: places like Center Parcs but posher or cheaper, what to do if you actually hate skiing, which holidays spending much more money on gives you a much better time (Disney), what to save for teenage years when they will be less enthusiastic.
I imagine you will have heard of them all! It is so easy to stick with the same holiday as it's a total shame turning up and having a miserable time (could list a few holidays that I have royally misjudged!).
Posher: Bluestone, Another Place, The Grove - all have lots of outdoor bookable activity options. There are also some cottages in the Cotswolds that offer something similar but I can't find the details.
Cheaper: Butlins. We haven't been but by all accounts a very fun family holiday. Stay in the hotel. Not great food made up for by constant entertainment of children. Was also told families very friendly.
We moved due to my husbands job (vicar) from a very middle class primary school with a lots of social pressure and a disaster WhatsApp group to an excellent state primary in a really deprived area, it was like night and day. Loads of clear communication from school, children encouraged to sort their own stuff out and advocate for themselves. The school gate was also pretty chill with a bit of small talk and mostly people keeping themselves to themselves.
This is very true! But how to escape the endless curated “updates” on Instagram???
I’m deep in primary school territory but friends with secondary school tell me WhatsApp groups persist with equal levels of stupidity / repetition. Sub-groups of people you can stomach and eyes down at pick up / drop offs are my survival strategies. Also, make some all-inclusive, 3* friends. Holiday updates normally more amusing and often involve injuries and alcohol poisoning. My kind of Costa.
Yes to this. It’s not school gate pressure on the holidays, it’s the social media- feels like everyone is on lovely holidays all the time. That said, I don’t ever post on the socials so I can’t really complain
It was a lifeline when it was there but now that the youngest is y10 it's years since I've had to be at one and I don't miss it. I was lucky in the most part to avoid the what's app group which wasn't even a thing for the elder two. I suffered from working mum guilt though so went to a PTA meeting in Reception with my eldest and was sucked in for what felt like forever. PTAs get a lot of rap but we raised 10s of 000s of pounds for our school mostly by selling alcohol to parents. It's the same people who volunteer for everything (at whatever stage in life - you either are a volunteer-er or you're not and that's ok) but that's fine as long as others shell out the cash.
As for holidays I worked with someone whose primary age kids had ranked their favourite Aman resorts and another whose uni aged "marxist" son has a preferred Business class seat on planes. I on the other hand make mine go to the same Welsh cabin every year.
I have never ever done the school gate. Working full time gave me the perfect excuse. My son's first school was at the bottom of our garden so I used to just push him through the hedge. He never minded.
I am deep in the school gate years with kids in reception and year 3. Every weekend is a birthday party with reception so there is an awful lot of time spent with other parents. In some ways it’s great as some of the parents are ace and people I want to be friends with. We need to be friends with them too, to coordinate play dates and parties and sleepovers and all the rest of it. But it is also exhausting, like a marathon of networking, and I don’t think I’ll miss it in future years.
I am eternally grateful that when my now 18 year old was at primary and secondary, school WhatsApp groups did not exist
I love nothing more than holiday chat, but I plan holidays for a living so it’s basically working 🤣. I have a 16 & 13 yr old and we just got back from a soul destroying AI week in rainy Spain, when the 16 yr old drained all the mini bars and did everything he could to not spend time with us, culminating in a disastrous trip to Seville where we all fell out. I actually found myself longing for the days when the kids were small and cuddly. I work for myself, from home and sometimes miss the school gate chats - the dog has limited conversation day to day
My brother (+ 3 kids under 7) have just got back from Spain for the week - 7 days of rain and floods. We, on the other hand, stayed in boring old England and had a great time - Halloween, fireworks and the local leisure centre. But I’m always envious of the planned holidays until I settle in.
The autumn half term si ace! People are mad to go away during that one, there’s so much fun stuff to do with the kids. February, however, can get stuffed
I swapped the school gates for Pony Club.
Now I hang around the gate to whichever godforsaken rainswept and mud sodden arena has been selected for that day's torture, having driven a stroppy teenager there in what could pass for a UPS van with the joyful prospect of driving her back to look forward to. I don't know what I'd do without my fellow Pony Club mothers to grumble with.
No one gets to go on holiday, especially in the summer because you *might* qualify for something and it would be *the end of the world* if a holiday clashed with it.
I picked up my son the other week and it was raining. I am fine with raining. I never take an umbrella anywhere. I like rain. A large man with a silly umbrella told me I had to stand under his whilst we waited for our children. I politely declined but his sense of worth would not have it. I was already irritated by having to a, make conversation and b, stand so close to someone else. Within 2 minutes, this man had told me that last winter they went on a skiing holiday to Canada that cost them 15K. I remarked that that was an awful lot of money, which is presumably what he wanted me to say, and left him under his floral covering. I stood back in the rain thinking what a tosser he was, how poor I am and that maybe I will buy an umbrella so I don’t have to talk to strangers about their holidays.
Esther I read this in the taxi to the airport after a holiday with 2 small children. There were some lovely moments but jeeeez it was hard work, not helped by the crazy rain, storms and flash flooding in Spain. We are home now and will be staycationing for the near future. I am exhausted.
On the flip side of the school gate scenario- my kids do BF and afterschool club because of work, so I’m never there for pickup, which brings a different level of strangeness. I am the mum who relies on the ones who remember everything in the WhatsApp, I read the emails but it all seems to instantly fall out of my brain.
The thing that gets me about the WhatsApp groups (I still have one, FINAL child at primary) is when people post saying “so and so has lost his/her cricket bat/violin/netball skort/pencil case/pritt stick, does anyone have it?” and then someone responds “no, we haven’t got it”…..!!!! I mean, WTAF Wendy? If you haven’t got it, please STFU and stay off the godforsaken WhatsApp! Jesus wept it annoys me. The thread which could have been one message in length, is now 12 scrolls deep! Really glad to be away from it for a week. Roll on year 7.
We have that with our street WhatsApp group. 5 thousand messages with everyone replying individually that they haven’t got no.27’s Amazon package. Just STOP.
It's RSVP-ing to party invitations on the WhatsApp group that gets me. You have their contact details, please reply privately!
We have the same endless conversations about lost cardigans
This is so funny and spot-on. I also travel for work so have enough of it and just want to be home. We live in London and there are a million amazing things to do, or not. This reminds me also of how I used to obsess over restaurants (like holidays) and now just want to go back to the same five, with the occasional adventure to another part of London.
This made me laugh as (i) my son calls it Wuh Huh Smith (as in phonetically pronouncing the W and H) and (ii) I’ve just booked a holiday today for Oct half term 2025 after being Team UK holidays since our last sunny abroad holiday in Easter 2022 and getting fed up of being cold and doing all the cooking…
My daughter also calls it Wuh Huh Smith!
😂😂❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have absolutely asked people their holiday plans twice in a week at the school gate. Mortifying! There are so many people doing different pickups on different days and I try not to be cliquey.
Partially I ask about holidays as it is very easy conversation but have also found some total hidden gems: places like Center Parcs but posher or cheaper, what to do if you actually hate skiing, which holidays spending much more money on gives you a much better time (Disney), what to save for teenage years when they will be less enthusiastic.
I’d also love all these tips
Catherine, tips on posher and/or cheaper Center Parcs most welcome! :😂😂
I imagine you will have heard of them all! It is so easy to stick with the same holiday as it's a total shame turning up and having a miserable time (could list a few holidays that I have royally misjudged!).
Posher: Bluestone, Another Place, The Grove - all have lots of outdoor bookable activity options. There are also some cottages in the Cotswolds that offer something similar but I can't find the details.
Cheaper: Butlins. We haven't been but by all accounts a very fun family holiday. Stay in the hotel. Not great food made up for by constant entertainment of children. Was also told families very friendly.
We moved due to my husbands job (vicar) from a very middle class primary school with a lots of social pressure and a disaster WhatsApp group to an excellent state primary in a really deprived area, it was like night and day. Loads of clear communication from school, children encouraged to sort their own stuff out and advocate for themselves. The school gate was also pretty chill with a bit of small talk and mostly people keeping themselves to themselves.
This is very true! But how to escape the endless curated “updates” on Instagram???
I’m deep in primary school territory but friends with secondary school tell me WhatsApp groups persist with equal levels of stupidity / repetition. Sub-groups of people you can stomach and eyes down at pick up / drop offs are my survival strategies. Also, make some all-inclusive, 3* friends. Holiday updates normally more amusing and often involve injuries and alcohol poisoning. My kind of Costa.
Yes to this. It’s not school gate pressure on the holidays, it’s the social media- feels like everyone is on lovely holidays all the time. That said, I don’t ever post on the socials so I can’t really complain
It was a lifeline when it was there but now that the youngest is y10 it's years since I've had to be at one and I don't miss it. I was lucky in the most part to avoid the what's app group which wasn't even a thing for the elder two. I suffered from working mum guilt though so went to a PTA meeting in Reception with my eldest and was sucked in for what felt like forever. PTAs get a lot of rap but we raised 10s of 000s of pounds for our school mostly by selling alcohol to parents. It's the same people who volunteer for everything (at whatever stage in life - you either are a volunteer-er or you're not and that's ok) but that's fine as long as others shell out the cash.
As for holidays I worked with someone whose primary age kids had ranked their favourite Aman resorts and another whose uni aged "marxist" son has a preferred Business class seat on planes. I on the other hand make mine go to the same Welsh cabin every year.