I bought a couple of hammam towels in Morocco a few years ago and have only recently discovered how amazing they are for beach or pool days. They are really good as towels but also dry incredibly quickly, so can be used and used rather than ending up in a damp sandy heap like regular towels.
I’m often cheery at the prospect of a beach trip and near us they’re all shingle (so rock/beach shoes def required) then spend the time wondering how long it will be until we can leave!
Esther I think you are on my wavelength when it comes to the morbid fear of losing one’s children. I took mine to a (small) festival at the weekend and so wanted to be like all the freewheeling parents who happily partied on without a notion of where their kids were, but in reality I was going round with a rictus grin and a tight knot in my stomach as I pictured strange men luring their little blonde heads away. Anyway, I had thought about AirTags but wasn’t sure if they are specific enough. Sounds like they might be?
We are living parallel lives! It does help to know that most years zero - ZERO - children are abducted by strangers (but often carted off by e.g. bad spouses) but still, it’s no fun. I think Air Tags are miracles but it’s about how to attach it to the child securely without it taking it off, losing it etc. my children - Kitty’s the problem really, Sam sticks like glue - are old enough to be told they are being tagged and to leave the thing in the pocket
Thankyou Esther, it’s so nice of you to reply. I love your writing and general vibe. Adding AirTags to my holiday shopping list then, also a subscription to The Spike 👊
We have some little Velcro wrist bands which were a game changer for us. The AirTag fits in perfectly and they a ‘cool’ enough to not be rejected. I got four on Amazon for a few quid each. You can play a good hide and seek game with AirTags on too.
What an excellent list. As someone who doesn’t really like the beach but has a family who love surfing/body boarding can I recommend the Tommy Bahama beach chair? It has straps so you wear it like a rucksack to the beach and it has pockets which fit towel, book, sunscreen etc plus an insulated one to keep drinks/snacks cool. And it’s then a really comfortable chair as you sit scanning for your family and wondering where they are.
I see Cost Co have got them on their website….definitely my essential beach kit.
Talc is in fact a game changer it’s true! Ours is so old it has the mothercare logo on it. In our beach kit which is a Deirdre Barlow bag I got from the Coronation Street tour 100 years ago, I also chuck in three of those very cheap fleece blankets from IKEA. They have a pattern of holes around the edges which makes it very easy to pick up with things inside and they wash and dry in a flash. 
We also have our own mallet with a big rubber head. My husband gets very nervous when I start offering the use of it to people who haven’t gone one and are using a trainer to bang in a beach umbrella.
Personally I don’t really like beach days but I’ve got a son and you know it’s just one of those boy things you have to cope with- like kicking anything spherical, camping etc. they just bloody love it. He’s seven now and I keep wondering when he’ll sit down quietly read a book??
It’s about the right book. You have to go through so many to find one they like. And even then you have to manage your expectations as to how long they will sit
We do have a "kit" consisting of a granny trolley ( we got ours from IKEA many many years ago) which has in it - towels; a beach tent that zips up - amazing for the crazy freak rain squalls on a Cornish beach; rock shoes - as you said so perfect; a couple of nets for rockpooling and wetsuits.
Then on a back the body board bag which also has in it those massive toweling ponchos that allow you to get get changed on the beach, talc and suncream.
Also Liquid talc from ASDA is great for chafing too.
The trolley and bag are perfection for getting essentials to and from the beach, but we do not bother with a lot of what other groups seem to need.
On the air tags, I heard of someone putting them in their luggage so when the damn stuff goes missing in transit you’ve at least some chance of getting it back a bit quicker.
A tiny first aid kit….anti-sting spray in case of jelly fish or bee stings; disinfectant for any nasty slices of rock or shell on feet; insect repellent.
I would suggest fighting the ‘suncream application fight’ before leaving home. Small people are the worst wrigglers and mine used to just F off without being thoroughly creamed. I would also recommend taking the kids already in their swimming stuff with a just towelling robe or dressing gown to put on them when stripping off the wet kit. Finally, uk beaches near a town or city mainly, I would only bother taking water and some light snacks and then I would use Deliveroo or similar to get pizzas delivered if a picnic was absolutely required.
I bought a collapsible bucket years ago that’s been super handy for the beach. It’s got straight sides and a flat bottom so you can stick sunscreen, insect spray, water bottles in an it keeps them upright.
When you are at the beach or river it’s great for collecting stuff like shells, jellyfish… and finally when you go, it works a treat to chuck all the wet bathers in, so you can tip them straight in the machine when you get home.
We live by the sea and of all the bits of kit I’m jealous of when I see them this is number 1. It’s a waterproof circle you stand on to take your wetsuit/swimming costume off and then it has ties that scoops it all up into a fucking bag (like those Lego play mats or make up bags) so you can Chuck it in the car and then straight into the laundry when you get back. https://amzn.eu/d/eFebbou
Also if you have room stick a couple of those tough rubber trugs into the boot of your car for wet sandy gear so you can just hose off.
I have the bucket in the boot for beach kit (as I think recommended by a spike'er a few years ago) and GAME changer. all sandy wellies, flip flops towels go in it.
No children but a beach-loving dog in this family. Rock shoes are fantastic, beware of seams over toes which will rub. Those Lakeland ones look perfect, and I can recommend Hot Tuna too. Bought my husband a pair of Lands End water shoes which look like clumpy trainers but have drain holes in the sole, which means he doesn’t have to change his shoes from getting dressed in the morning till we get back to the rental cottage. They do take an age to dry (faster if you can take the insoles out).
I have just started wearing mens’ swim shorts (Ralph Lauren Traveller for ref) so I can fart about throwing balls for the dog, get swamped by a wave but not actually have to commit to immersion, whilst looking like I’m just wearing shorts and a rash vest. And being flappy they air dry quickly. Very helpful for those of us who steer clear of black and white swimsuits for fear of being mistaken for a beached Orca…. Also carefully chosen with the surprising wind-chill factor of a British beach in mind.
Finally remembered to take talc with us a few weeks ago and can confirm it is amazing.
Proper drybag with a shoulder strap. Pay real money for this, you won’t regret it.
I do love our drying robe, though it’s a pain to lug about. We take turns as to who gets it first, but you have to have a good towelling off first - it’s more for changing under than drying in. I’m just too old, flabby and pasty to be flashing anything about.
I found all the womens’ swim shorts either hot-pant adjacent or way too surfy for a frumpy old hag like me, hence finally looking at my husband’s swimmers and going, hey, that's exactly what I want. I suspect Giles favours a more, ahem, French swimming pool approach?
When we first went out he said he wanted to wear Speedos but all his past girlfriends had objected - so I aggressively bought him a pair of tight green Speedos and it turned out that actually this was all just mad posturing and he much prefers a solid trunk
Also, get a good quality sunshade to fit inside the car windscreen. As an Aussie I cannot go anywhere without these. Genuinely your car could get to near boiling point when locked up in the sun!
Don’t make a picnic, buy the picnic- ie ready made sandwiches, or whole sliced loaf, boxed strawberries, pre sliced cheese/ ham etc. Fuck making sandwiches at home on top of everything else!
Is there ANYTHING I can buy to get my children (3, 3, 5) to leave me the f alone on the beach for longer than 20 minutes?
A nanny!! Srsly tho I have 2 & 5 and it was a couple of hours of kids club a day that constituted the relaxing part of the holiday.
I bought a couple of hammam towels in Morocco a few years ago and have only recently discovered how amazing they are for beach or pool days. They are really good as towels but also dry incredibly quickly, so can be used and used rather than ending up in a damp sandy heap like regular towels.
I’m often cheery at the prospect of a beach trip and near us they’re all shingle (so rock/beach shoes def required) then spend the time wondering how long it will be until we can leave!
Esther I think you are on my wavelength when it comes to the morbid fear of losing one’s children. I took mine to a (small) festival at the weekend and so wanted to be like all the freewheeling parents who happily partied on without a notion of where their kids were, but in reality I was going round with a rictus grin and a tight knot in my stomach as I pictured strange men luring their little blonde heads away. Anyway, I had thought about AirTags but wasn’t sure if they are specific enough. Sounds like they might be?
This is me!
How do people do it?
We are living parallel lives! It does help to know that most years zero - ZERO - children are abducted by strangers (but often carted off by e.g. bad spouses) but still, it’s no fun. I think Air Tags are miracles but it’s about how to attach it to the child securely without it taking it off, losing it etc. my children - Kitty’s the problem really, Sam sticks like glue - are old enough to be told they are being tagged and to leave the thing in the pocket
Thankyou Esther, it’s so nice of you to reply. I love your writing and general vibe. Adding AirTags to my holiday shopping list then, also a subscription to The Spike 👊
THANK YOU! I really appreciate this xxx
We have some little Velcro wrist bands which were a game changer for us. The AirTag fits in perfectly and they a ‘cool’ enough to not be rejected. I got four on Amazon for a few quid each. You can play a good hide and seek game with AirTags on too.
What an excellent list. As someone who doesn’t really like the beach but has a family who love surfing/body boarding can I recommend the Tommy Bahama beach chair? It has straps so you wear it like a rucksack to the beach and it has pockets which fit towel, book, sunscreen etc plus an insulated one to keep drinks/snacks cool. And it’s then a really comfortable chair as you sit scanning for your family and wondering where they are.
I see Cost Co have got them on their website….definitely my essential beach kit.
I have a new dream, Kate and it looks like a Tommy Bahama beach chair
Ooh yes, a friend of ours had one and I was mega jealous.
Talc is in fact a game changer it’s true! Ours is so old it has the mothercare logo on it. In our beach kit which is a Deirdre Barlow bag I got from the Coronation Street tour 100 years ago, I also chuck in three of those very cheap fleece blankets from IKEA. They have a pattern of holes around the edges which makes it very easy to pick up with things inside and they wash and dry in a flash. 
We also have our own mallet with a big rubber head. My husband gets very nervous when I start offering the use of it to people who haven’t gone one and are using a trainer to bang in a beach umbrella.
Personally I don’t really like beach days but I’ve got a son and you know it’s just one of those boy things you have to cope with- like kicking anything spherical, camping etc. they just bloody love it. He’s seven now and I keep wondering when he’ll sit down quietly read a book??
It’s about the right book. You have to go through so many to find one they like. And even then you have to manage your expectations as to how long they will sit
Yes I think you’re right. He’s highly incentivised by the beavers book reader badge. That might crack it!
We do have a "kit" consisting of a granny trolley ( we got ours from IKEA many many years ago) which has in it - towels; a beach tent that zips up - amazing for the crazy freak rain squalls on a Cornish beach; rock shoes - as you said so perfect; a couple of nets for rockpooling and wetsuits.
Then on a back the body board bag which also has in it those massive toweling ponchos that allow you to get get changed on the beach, talc and suncream.
Also Liquid talc from ASDA is great for chafing too.
The trolley and bag are perfection for getting essentials to and from the beach, but we do not bother with a lot of what other groups seem to need.
This is amazing!!! Talcum powder! air tags! You are a genius!
AT LAST SOMEONE FINALLY SEES ME
*doffs hat*
On the air tags, I heard of someone putting them in their luggage so when the damn stuff goes missing in transit you’ve at least some chance of getting it back a bit quicker.
A tiny first aid kit….anti-sting spray in case of jelly fish or bee stings; disinfectant for any nasty slices of rock or shell on feet; insect repellent.
I would suggest fighting the ‘suncream application fight’ before leaving home. Small people are the worst wrigglers and mine used to just F off without being thoroughly creamed. I would also recommend taking the kids already in their swimming stuff with a just towelling robe or dressing gown to put on them when stripping off the wet kit. Finally, uk beaches near a town or city mainly, I would only bother taking water and some light snacks and then I would use Deliveroo or similar to get pizzas delivered if a picnic was absolutely required.
I bought a collapsible bucket years ago that’s been super handy for the beach. It’s got straight sides and a flat bottom so you can stick sunscreen, insect spray, water bottles in an it keeps them upright.
When you are at the beach or river it’s great for collecting stuff like shells, jellyfish… and finally when you go, it works a treat to chuck all the wet bathers in, so you can tip them straight in the machine when you get home.
We live by the sea and of all the bits of kit I’m jealous of when I see them this is number 1. It’s a waterproof circle you stand on to take your wetsuit/swimming costume off and then it has ties that scoops it all up into a fucking bag (like those Lego play mats or make up bags) so you can Chuck it in the car and then straight into the laundry when you get back. https://amzn.eu/d/eFebbou
Also if you have room stick a couple of those tough rubber trugs into the boot of your car for wet sandy gear so you can just hose off.
This is brilliant. There’s nothing worse than wetsuits caked in sand
I have the bucket in the boot for beach kit (as I think recommended by a spike'er a few years ago) and GAME changer. all sandy wellies, flip flops towels go in it.
No children but a beach-loving dog in this family. Rock shoes are fantastic, beware of seams over toes which will rub. Those Lakeland ones look perfect, and I can recommend Hot Tuna too. Bought my husband a pair of Lands End water shoes which look like clumpy trainers but have drain holes in the sole, which means he doesn’t have to change his shoes from getting dressed in the morning till we get back to the rental cottage. They do take an age to dry (faster if you can take the insoles out).
I have just started wearing mens’ swim shorts (Ralph Lauren Traveller for ref) so I can fart about throwing balls for the dog, get swamped by a wave but not actually have to commit to immersion, whilst looking like I’m just wearing shorts and a rash vest. And being flappy they air dry quickly. Very helpful for those of us who steer clear of black and white swimsuits for fear of being mistaken for a beached Orca…. Also carefully chosen with the surprising wind-chill factor of a British beach in mind.
Finally remembered to take talc with us a few weeks ago and can confirm it is amazing.
Proper drybag with a shoulder strap. Pay real money for this, you won’t regret it.
I do love our drying robe, though it’s a pain to lug about. We take turns as to who gets it first, but you have to have a good towelling off first - it’s more for changing under than drying in. I’m just too old, flabby and pasty to be flashing anything about.
Yes Kitty wears a rashie and a pair of thin patterned ladies swim shorts and she is so much happier than in a one piece
We are just the coolest.
I found all the womens’ swim shorts either hot-pant adjacent or way too surfy for a frumpy old hag like me, hence finally looking at my husband’s swimmers and going, hey, that's exactly what I want. I suspect Giles favours a more, ahem, French swimming pool approach?
When we first went out he said he wanted to wear Speedos but all his past girlfriends had objected - so I aggressively bought him a pair of tight green Speedos and it turned out that actually this was all just mad posturing and he much prefers a solid trunk
Love a good bluff-call!
Also, get a good quality sunshade to fit inside the car windscreen. As an Aussie I cannot go anywhere without these. Genuinely your car could get to near boiling point when locked up in the sun!
I second talcum re sticky sand.
Don’t make a picnic, buy the picnic- ie ready made sandwiches, or whole sliced loaf, boxed strawberries, pre sliced cheese/ ham etc. Fuck making sandwiches at home on top of everything else!