I am feeling extremely seedy and also labile today because I drank too much last night and also mixed my drinks horribly. My plan was to sip water and watch my dinner companions get very drunk, then feel extremely smug the next day while texting everyone going “How’s your head?”. It’s a mean tactic I employ from time to time to alleviate the stress of not drinking myself. But I didn’t do that, I had a picanto, then loads of white wine then loads of red wine and then something made with whiskey that I didn’t even want but drank anyway. At 4am it felt like a giant was trying to squeeze my eyes out of my head. If I straighten up, I will be sick.
I am trying not to cry about Deborah James even though I don’t know her, don’t even follow her on IG and never even listened to You, Me and the Big C! And I know she’s only one of many people now in hospice care well, well before their time ought to be up and I also think that co-opting someone else’s grief and making it your own is parasitic and shameful and ought to be an offence punishable with community service. But I’m still sad.
On to WNU or With Nothing Underneath. This brand hassles me on the internet and I know a few people who rate their product so I thought I would buy one of their shirts and it was so disgusting that I didn't even try it on. The material brought to mind copier paper, or that sheeny stuff that a certain sort of Sloane insists on covering their cushions with. Why did I buy this? What was I thinking? I know for a fact that cotton poplin only works on very slender people and that I can only wear shirts made of chambray or floppy linen and yet I bought this thing (long since returned). Unconsciously, was it so that I could slag it off? Maybe.
Further on to Underdays, an underwear company which made the OBVIOUSLY LUDICROUS CLAIM to me on IG that they would be the most comfortable pants I would ever wear. I was immediately annoyed when I followed the link that all the normal pants were sold out - I hate it when I am advertised a product that is sold out, it’s infuriating, even if I don’t want it! - and so I bought myself a jazzy magenta thing with a sheer back that reminded me of those pants Scarlett Johansen wears in Lost In Translation. They are cute, I will admit. Cuter than my normal M&S pants. They were comfy enough but nothing special and actually quite butt-crawly under clothes. Fuck you, Underdays! Because of course, you can’t return things like this. All part of their evil capitalist plan.
Last of all, two things that are good. It was my birthday the other day and my friend Edwina bought me a little bottle of Hourglass Mineral Primer and also a Nars Afterglow Lipbalm in Dolce Vita, both absolutely next level products. Keep an eye out for both of them.
God. Deborah James said she just wanted more life and here I am titting about with mine, crapulent, ordering over-marketed shirting and complaining about pants.
Must try harder.
🤣 thanks for making me laugh...I have an injured foot and am off work so reading your articles on here has given me a few laughs.
I never get any pants advertising. Why?! Actually need new pants at the mo. Instead get strange, vaguely insulting, ads for hologram jumpers or losing belly fat. Must have very odd internet profile. Perhaps internet profile is equivalent to “stay at home twitter troll” or “minecraft expert” or similar?