An email from one of my long-time readers and email correspondents:
“Please do a post on what to do when your clothes suddenly hate you.
Now we’re going out more, I need to wear actual clothes more. I haven’t bought anything apart from work trousers for a new job since before the pandemic. Problem is nothing I have in the wardrobe is right. Going out to dinner in Soho last night, I got changed 5 times!! I literally threw what had been my favourite dress 8 years ago across the room!!
I don’t know where to start. I don’t even know what I’d like to dress like. It’s surprisingly upsetting. It would be comforting to know if this happens to other people.”
To which I replied - I don’t need to ask the world: IT DEFINITELY HAPPENS! Happens to me in fits and starts and this is why:
Hormones. Only a woman is allowed to say to another woman that anything they do, say or think is down to hormones. But this is definitely a factor. General self-loathing and uncontrollable generalised frustration is definitely a by-product of some hormone or other (can we get it switched off somehow? I mean, if they can clone a sheep they must be able to do this. Just a thought).
You have literally no time to organise your wardrobe. Or think about what to wear, or try on different outfits or find the Autumn/Winter clothes that you put away last year. We are no longer 16 years old with a billion hours at our disposal to prance about or pour over “Cute Dinner Outfit” search results on Pinterest. We have 9 seconds between washing up kids’ dinner and finding kids’ bloody various random P.E. kit - or costume or whatever other sadistic evening duty the school has dreamed up for us tonight - and the taxi arriving to get ready. It’s not a recipe for creativity.
But you are also trying too hard. I refer you to all of my previous internet writings where I explain often and at length about how the only outfit you need for any evening engagement is entirely black. With gold jewellery. I started ranting about this in approximately 2013 and it still holds true. Black, but in silky or shimmery fabrics. So the outfit I wear to every single dinner engagement when I can’t think what else to wear, (i.e. all of them), is a pair of black leather trousers, (yes, I know), from J Brand that I stalked and bought for a 70% discount on The Outnet with a black silk shirt from Hush (very old) a black blazer, (from John Lewis, excellent tailoring), and very clean Stan Smiths, which I reserve especially for smart events. Then as many gold things as I can find. Then, eyeliner, blusher - I barely even bother with perfume - and I’m off. Quite often, my hair isn’t even clean. And EVERY SINGLE TIME people tell me I look great. When I don’t look great, it’s just that everyone looks amazing in black. A very rich friend of mine who is also stylish and can buy whatever she wants from wherever the hell she likes, wears only black in the evenings. I consider this to be the only endorsement that I need.
YOU ALREADY OWN the solution to your wardrobe problems, you just need to rootle it out. Or maybe I’m wrong! You tell me. Where are you in your love/hate relationship with your wardrobe right now? Please share with the group in the handy box below.
It’s ok to buy clothes you hate! Hear me out …
I am, and always have been, a messy eater and drinker. Probably too much talking with my mouth full - I’m an enthusiastic talker too. Beautiful pale shirts or silk tops ruined on a first outing with a fine spatter of tomato/grease/red wine. In mild despair I bought a busy red checked shirt for some dinner or other, which wasn’t really me but I figured might make it through the evening without the ignominy of having slopped something down my front. Because I didn’t like it enormously I didn’t really care about it. God it was wonderful. Totally relaxing evening. Even my husband said I looked nice. I wear it a lot and have never, I think, thrown anything down it.
Please note though the difference between clothes YOU don’t like - I should really say ‘love’ - vs clothes which don't like you. This is a perfectly nice shirt which is a bit lairy.
Urgh, this is me just now. A wardrobe full of lovely clothes but with nothing to wear - I’m four months postpartum and exclusively breastfeeding. A stone to lose to get me to my pre-pregnancy weight. Two stones to lose to get to my pre-pandemic weight. I used to love clothes and now getting dressed depresses me in the mornings.
I’m sure it will get better but, urgh.