L'Oreal 36hr Fixing spray

and I go to a party

I recently discovered that there is a difference between “setting spray” and “fixing spray” when it comes to finishing sprays for your make-up. A “setting spray” just makes your make-up look dewy and appealing whereas a “fixing spray” glues it in place.

I am into the idea of fixing my make-up and I thought I was doing this with the various “setting sprays” I have been using. I am too old now to still look okay when my make-up has all worn off, particularly round the eyes.

So when I was in Superdrug the other day and was advertised the new L’Oreal Infallible 3-Second Setting Mist, which bore the claim “36H No Transfer”, I was interested. But confused! I thought a “setting spray” had no longevity functionality? Also who needs their make-up to stay on for 36H?

I bought it anyway, working on the basis that the beauty industry is not very joined-up and they themselves mostly don’t have a clue what their labels mean.

And I needed it. Having not been invited to a single party for about four years, I had two in a row last week. The first was the book party for Tom Parker Bowles’s new book Cooking and the Crown in Mayfair. Tom has got this unbelievably handsome and charming friend, who I get to see about once every four years, and I don’t like looking ugly when he’s around. So I did my face and then spritzed it with the fixing stuff and practiced saying, “Well, hello there,” coquettishly, but not desperately.

The party was very hot and extremely crowded. Like I said, I haven’t been to a party for four years and have spent the entire summer mainly talking to Sam about whether or not I would jump into a vat of sewage for a million pounds (what about two million pounds?) so I was just blinking and speechless at the sight of all these people.

I suddenly had zero chat, literally zero, and stood about like a watermelon, hiding behind Giles, looking shell-shocked. It was so bad that Grace Dent clutched my arm and said, “Are you alright?” I glanced at my reflection in the mirror behind the bar and I did, indeed, look like I was about take my History A Level.

“I’m fine,” I said to Grace. “It’s just quite noisy in here.”

Then Queen Camilla showed up, followed by a lot of suave men in navy suits (policemen) and two ladies-in-waiting and the flashbulbs went blam blam blam. We all flattened ourselves against the wall, because the worst thing is being the red-faced berk in the back of an Evening Standard party photo. The temperature in the room increased to unbearable levels and we all started to sweat heavily. Tom made a very funny speech because he’s very funny. I got my eight seconds’ face time with that incredibly handsome man I mentioned.

“Well hello there,” I said, sounding not just desperate but panicked - argh! After a brief conversation about which of the policeman had a gun, he floated off, drawn inexorably away on an ebb tide of drooling admirers. Au revoir, cherie! Until 2028.

I went to stand outside in the misty drizzle with Clemmie Moodie and we talked about Ozempic and who we would pick as our ladies in waiting if we were the Queen. Then Giles emerged from the throng of the party, looking energised and delighted and said “Are you coming on to this other party?” and I said, “Absolutely not.” I was sober and standing in the aforementioned damp and even though everyone at the current party and probably the next party was nice, (well, mostly), I wanted to go home.

So my husband hailed me a cab to Kentish Town and I walked in the door at 8.20pm to find Kitty and Sam watching Moana. I made myself cheese on toast and drank a glass of wine that I had written off as for cooking only but turned out to still be fine. Then Kitty wanted me to sing along to Shiny, which is one of my favourite showtunes, along with Fixer Upper from Frozen and You’ll Be Back from Hamilton.

When the film ended we all went up to bed and I walked in to my bathroom to find that my make-up was still right where I left it. Despite the heat and the panic attack and the sweat and the handsome man and the drizzle! So full marks to L’Oréal.

How about you? Is there a handsome man in your life you see only once in a while? What is your favourite showtune? Please leave a comment in the handy box below.