If you do not need to apply fake tan in the summer then I literally hate you. From now until mid-September I will be either about to apply fake tan, be stinking of fake tan, or looking a bit strange around the feet because my fake tan is wearing off.
I’m probably the only person in the world who arrives for a holiday brown, (pre-holiday fake tan), and then gets increasingly pale as the week wears on (fake tan wearing off.)
But all of this is just minor detail: my main point is that I am so grateful that such a range of fake tans exist in such a variety of colours and application techniques. When I was younger it was DuoTan or nothing and no-one except body builders or swingers used it. If you went brown in the sun that’s what you did and if you didn’t go brown in the sun, you sat inside or wore long trousers all summer.
I do not go brown in the sun. Well, I do sort of but it takes months and months and really I’m just hoping that one day all of my freckles will join up and I will be as brown as my brownest freckle all year round! I sometimes wish I’d had the dedication never to go in the sun ever as a child and be marvellously pale like Salley Rooney and still look 18 when I am 90. But fuck that shit! I love the sun.
After probably 20 years’ investigation I can confidently say that the best gradual tan around is Summer Body by Garnier. It smells - but they all smell, no matter what they say - but gives a lovely colour, (it comes in a range), goes on nicely, dries quickly and is tremendous value. A lot of people swear by the St Tropez in-shower one but I just never got the hang of it. Those apply-and-wash-off ones are too fiddly. And I just used the James Read Gradual Tan, (it came in my last ever, thank god, Glossybox delivery). It’s okay but, on balance, too dark. Same goes with Isle of Paradise! I was so excited about that launch but even the lightest shade makes me look like George Hamilton. I don’t want - and you might be the same - a nut-brown tan. I just want to take the edge off my bottle-white legs.
I am aware that there might be some people who have never used a fake tan before because they are scared of accidents, streaks, orange palms, what to do about the backs of the hands etc. My answer to this is: there’s fake tan and fake tan.
When you’re just bumming about in term time but would like to maybe get your legs out a bit, you only really need to do your legs. That’s what I do. Just the legs right up to the bum and yes you look a bit crazy with no clothes on but I look crazy with no clothes on anyway! If you use a very light shade there will not be such a disparity between legs and face that it will be obvious.
For full-body coverage I book one of those ladies with a pop-up tent. But that’s only probably twice a year.
Fake tan quick-start guide
1 If you are a novice, get the lightest shade in the range. You can add another layer tomorrow but it’s harder, like impossible, to take one off.
2 Ignore all that crap about exfoliating or moisturising beforehand.
3 Just have a shower and give your legs a quick scrub, dry off.
4 Tie any wet hair well out of the way, preferably in one of those twist-up microfibre towel whatsits.
5 Stick a podcast on. This is not a process to be rushed, as I have learnt to my great cost.
6 Start with your feet, paying great attention to the sides and areas around your toes. You don’t want to get the cream in your toe cuticles because that will turn them orange, but neither do you want to leave a great socking gap between tanned toe and nail. Am I making sense? I am such an old-timer that I now go over fiddly areas with a face-mask brush and extra tanner.
7 Now go over the rest of your legs, rub it in. Don’t skimp, slosh it about.
8 Now put on some sort of robe or something that you can wear that won’t stain on the inside. Only NOW wash your hands! If you wash your hands while unclothed the water will splash from the sink onto your legs and leave great drip-marks.
9 Take extra care to wash not just your hands but the inside of your arms from wrist to elbow as somehow a splodge of tanner always gets in there. Use soap and do a good job.
10 If you can, don’t put shoes on for a while, even after the tanner is superficially dry. Fake tan is reasonably resistant to rub-off on most things except shoes.
11 When your husband says, “What’s that smell?”, pretend you have gone deaf. Or say “I can’t smell anything.”
The worst is when you go through all this and then the forecast does an about-turn and it’s sheeting rain for the next three days.
But now we really do look set fair. I’ve answered my own question. Go for it!
Revisiting this post now! Evergreen advice Esther, thank you. Just bought some Summer Body plus an applicator brush as recommended in The Times, hopeful for good results for Cornwall trip this weekend! X
During lockdown we bought a pop up tent and spray machine for £100. My husband trained himself to spray using you tube videos and he’s brilliant at it! He sprays me all the time. True love ❤️