I had a nightmare last night that our house was being burgled. Then we all overslept and as I was waiting for the kettle to boil I googled the dream and it said “dreaming about your house being burgled is a sign that you feel your life is out of control” and it was the most profoundly true dream analysis I’ve ever read.
My life feels totally out of control. We spent half term in America which is a wonderful idea until you come back and realise that at 42, jet lag fucks you right up. How do people who travel a lot do it? I can’t remember anything, not anything. I feel sick at weird times and hungry at weirder times. Although my friend Melissa is in the middle of the same brain fog and she hasn’t got jet lag.
I was supposed to post a Substack on Monday and didn’t. The one due for today was complex and required hyperlinks, but that was never going to happen. So I thought I’d just post my nervous breakdown. If in doubt, be honest. Our building work drags on, electric wires dangle, the bath is not fixed to the floor, that mirror doesn't work. The chair is wrong. I feel like screaming and screaming. But I know it’s not real, it’s just a bad mood, it’s just the weather.
I must just control what I can control: I have changed out of the crazy outfit I put on in a hurry this morning and washed my hair. I am going to clean some pictures that have been put back on the wall dirty. I will finish that piece of work. I will post this. I will drag myself out of the mire, hand over hand.
Thank you for your patience.
Brain fog and fuzziness has plagued me for a vast chunk of this half term, and that is not good when as a fulltime teacher half term is the only time to get anything remotely important done.
Just feel like I have wasted time dealing with getting through the day. Realised this morning that I couldn't remember the last time I had showered...so I took a shower, had another cup of tea, upped it to a coffee and began to feel a little saner.
Hand over hand is right. I was just talking to someone about the thing where dreams have a representative meaning, because lately all my dreams have been completely on the nose, like I spend hours living through the exact thing I know I’m worrying about. I had a dream where I was trying to compose a message to a kids football coach. Or plan a birthday party. Have I reached a new level where my brain has given up on me ever getting it. Just give it to her straight, the idiot. It’s exhausting and like I’m living my boring life twice. I also lost my handbag between packing it at the kitchen table and the front door yesterday. Small house and no jet lag. Had to do several laps before I found it. Hope things straighten out for you soon, this was very good in any case.