Christmas is the only time I will agree to go to a West End show. The rest of the year I am very happy that it’s all happening somewhere without me, that all the actors and directors and costume people and set designers and pre-theatre restaurants and punters and everyone else connected with the industry are having a whale of a time. But I’m fine with not being there.
In fact I would gladly regularly donate to help keep the literal show on the road, as long as it meant I didn’t have to struggle into town in time for curtain up and then sit in a seat designed for someone with a tiny bottom, who is also okay with perching on what amounts to 1 square foot of MDF for 2 hours.
But Christmas! Christmas is different. Every year I take my children to see Operation Ouch Live and also one other Christmas show. Last year it was A Christmas Carol at Alexandra Palace and we would have seen The Play That Goes Wrong, but it was cancelled because of covid.
Because I despise August and just generally want to see the back of summer so much, I start researching Christmas shows in the first week of September. And in doing that, I discovered that if I wanted to go and see matinee performance of A Christmas Carol at the Old Vic on Tuesday 20th December, it will cost me - are you ready? - £195. Per ticket. PER TICKET. One hundred and ninety five pounds. So for a family of four, that’s just shy of £800.
I mean, I’m not a ninny, I do understand that London is expensive and that’s before inflation and, hello?, this is Christmas we’re talking about… but £800? You can fly to Mauritius for £800!
So. No Christmas Carol for the Corens this year. How about a nice panto instead! Yeah! Jack and the Beanstalk is on at the London Palladium and it’s a family show, so they surely don’t take the piss with their prices and that’s, oh… that’s basically already… sold out. (Oh, yes it is!) And the last tickets in seats where you wouldn’t need binoculars to see the stage are… £185! Each!
A few streets away on Drury Lane The Frozen stage show is … £160!! PER TICKET! I had to let that one go.
What is going on? Is this normal? Who. Is. Buying. These. Tickets?
I had more luck elsewhere: a family of four can see famous panto dame Clive Rowe as Mother Goose at the Hackney Empire for a more modest £180 in total… the Snowman at Sadler’s Wells is £45 per ticket… The Play The Goes Wrong is also not too crazily-priced, at £86 per ticket, compared with last year’s £75. But I don’t want to go to Hackney. Sam will object to ballet. And I feel like The Play That Goes Wrong is just cursed now.
Listen, you are more cultured than me and will know about things like ticket availability and prices. Am I looking in the wrong place? Have I accidentally stumbled into ticket portals used by the Sultan of Brunei and the King of Monaco? Am I turning into my grandma, (god rest her soul), and no longer have any idea of how much things actually cost?
Is £195 to see A Christmas Carol on a Tuesday afternoon normal? Give it to me straight. I can take it.
I signed up just to say that as of 2nd Dec there are still tickets at the Finsbury Park "Park Theatre" for Rumpelstilskin at ~£15 each, a smattering before Christmas and still look like plenty in the week after. It's a fantastic theatre, the right kind of tiny, and has a super atmosphere. 2m walk out the back of the tube (opposite side from Seven Sisters), and has two comfy bars on site. Okay back to lurk mode for a bit now. :)
The Hackney Empire does a great show, it’s worth the schlep. Closer to home in norf Landan is the theatre at Jackson’s Lane, though I’ve not been to their Christmas show, most expensive ticket is £18.