I often catch myself reminiscing about a beauty and a litheness that I never actually had. My stomach has never been flat, it never will be, not even if I do crunches every day and eat nothing for the next five years. My skin has always been a bit British, mottled. My face pouchy, my nose hawkish. My hands puffy and tiny. My wrists and ankles: sturdy.
But my boobs. Ladies. My boobs were amazing. That is a truth, not a mis-remembrance. They basically floated around on their own. I know this must the case because I used to wear string bikinis without any problem and that requires amazing boobs.
Now? If I wore a string bikini I would garrotte myself.
I did appreciate my boobs at the time, I knew I had lucked out. We had fine old times together.
And even then, with this levitating chest, bra-shopping was a nightmare and bras were all awful. My entire life, children or no, I have always ended up with one or maybe two bras that were the only ones I could tolerate. I remember in my teens one lilac lace “balcony bra” from M&S that was randomly comfortable and one revolting hearing-aid-coloured thing, also from M&S, that I wore under t-shirts.
Periodically in my life I survey my over-used, saggy, greying bras and think, “This is just so depressing.” I would then go bra-shopping and come back with something that turned out to be maddeningly itchy, or dig-in or make my boobs a strange shape and I would discard it and go back to my old faithfuls. Once every two years or so I would by total chance find a new bra and then I would then wear that until it fell to bits.
Post-children, I can only really tolerate giant, stretchy, non-wired things - my dream bra would be made by Herve Leger: just a few loops of industrial-strength banding that you might use to e.g. wrap a polo pony’s forelegs. But not a sport’s bra. Do you follow?
These are much harder to come by than you think and for the last three years - three! I have been wearing two large stretchy things from Gap Body, which are now so, so foul that even I cannot stand them any more - and if it is not obvious by now, my standards are extremely low. My poor long-suffering husband. If he insisted on wearing any garments as revolting as those bras I would consider it selfish, rude, possibly some sort of constructive dismissal. He has been stoic.
My hatred of these items drove me over the summer to buy three bras from Beija. I had been captivated by an Instagram campaign from the brand featuring an amazingly saucy girl with a large bosom, dancing about in her bedroom wearing only a pair of trousers and a Beija bra, the point being that her breasts was so firmly encased in the item that she could jiggle about in this carefree way.
The bras from Beija in Kings Cross, sold to me by a charming girl, are okay, but they are a bit too tight (she said they would loosen - they haven’t) and they are a bit itchy. WHY WHY WHY are any bras even a bit itchy? My pants aren’t itchy. My socks aren’t itchy. Why are bras itchy? I found myself not really wearing these bras although when I do, they do offer fantastic support and are great with shirts.
Then this week my two revolting, discoloured Gap bras, which no longer provide even a modest amount of support, drove me, without much hope, to the John Lewis lingerie department. But there, like a New Year miracle, I think I finally discovered The Answer to my problems.
The John Lewis in-house brand AnyDay, which is extremely reliable for all sorts of things, have a range of non-wired bras - crop-tops really - which might as well be called These Are For Esther. Pay no attention to the frankly disgusting pictures on the site: when they are on they look very sleek and are super-practical. The padding is subtle. My bra size differs wildly according to who I ask - from a 34C to a 36 DD - but I took an M in these. I bought them in three colours and if you, too, would like your chest secured in polo pony tape, get one. Or even some.
I also took a punt on this from Wacoal, which so far is proving excellent, supportive, non-itchy, (as long as you flip the itch-prevent band over the hooks), and even, dare I say it, pretty.
How about you? Where are you on your perfect-bra search? Please leave a comment in the handy box below.
I'm with the Rigby & Peller ladies in the main. It's absolutely mortifying expensive but a couple of trips a year and I'm sorted. I could never work out why bras dug in so badly and were so uncomfortable until they made me see the light (and horrified me at my size). I also know I cannot deal with anything with wired cups on my sternum - they bruise me. Pricey but the difference it makes to your posture and figure is cheaper than the chiropractor or lipo.
Comfy bra with large jugs wise I tried them ALL in lockdown and agree on the squashing, itching and riding up- why does the elastic underbust never stay straight?! My solution is the Calvin Klein modern cotton. Wireless and I love the wide underbust band with no riding up which gives great support. Cotton so no itching/ good for sleeping, so much better than nylon and has a racer back so no shoulder slipping. They do a more push up paddy version too if you search. They wash brilliantly and you can get mad colours cheaply in the sale. 32e and a medium is perfect. It makes me laugh to think teenagers are running about in this as crop tops while I use it as scaffolding for my boulders. I may however also try the JL recommendation and report back....
These are the only non underwired bras I wear - have in black, beige and light blue. Very flattering and very comfy
https://www.wacoallingerie.com/uk/en/lingerie/bras/soft-cup-bras/halo-lace-soft-cup-bra/p/wa811205blk/